Step 1: Cut a Hole in a Box

Rock of Love Update!! I hope I have persuaded some of you to actually watch this trick (wink wink) and pony show. This week, Lacey proves to be a crazy lady (she's a PETA chick, need I say more?) and freaks out when Dallas tells her she loves eating meat and wearing animals. So Lacey decides to get revenge and gets her kicked off. Which sucks because Lacey is certifiable and she makes me want to punch her in the crotch. Her hair looks like she colors it with Kool-Aid and she's not even attractive. Plus, I liked Dallas because she was bad *ss and fun to watch. I hope someone gets Lacey kicked off next week. She's a cancer.

I don't know if any of you have heard of this, but ABC is airing a special tonight where Shaq helps fatty kids lose weight and feel great about themselves. I saw a little bit of it on Good Morning America this morning and it looks like it is going to be very inspirational to watch, so check it out if you can. One kid lost over 7o lbs! Go fatties! You have my fatty support. Maybe I can get some pointers..... ;)


Another interesting show thats debuting soon is VH1's MISSION MANBAND! MANBAND! Who thought that would be a good idea for the name of the show? Man doesn't belong with band. Basically, this band is comprised of former boy-banders: an N*Syncer, a 98 Degree-er, an LFO-er and a Color Me Badder! Color Me Badd! Badd spellers, if you ask me. And its the Color Me Badd front man, Bryan Abrams - you know, the one whose facial hair probably inspired Justin Timberlake's character from that SNL skit, D*** In A Box! I can't wait to see this story unfold. It'll be the Geriatric Making the Band. The ultimate in has-been reality TV! I think it airs next Monday so stay tuned for this train wreck. For more, visit VH1's Mission Manband Website.

Lu-sing Weight
I got that extra wight I gained over the weekend back off. So I'm back where I was last Thursday. Drinking really takes its toll! Sheesh.

Boring Married Lady Has Jam-Packed Weekend!

That's right! I actually stayed up past midnight AND boozed it up. Yeah! I wasn't too lame this weekend. Where's my gold star?

First off, here is that still from the wedding DVD I was telling you about last week. Notice the haggard appearance and look of utter drunkeness. I can't believe I allowed a video-ed version of this to be distributed. But, seeing as how I was a camera hog all night that night, there really wasn't anything I could do. I wish I had a shot of my purpley (is that a word? I think I just made that up) teeth, too. Classic.

Anyhoo, mexican was grand. I ate so many chips and drank so much beer, my poor shrunken stomach was too full for me to order any dinner! So I basically had chips and queso for dinner. Healthy. No chocochimichangas though - thank goodness.

Saved by the Beer was enjoyable, but alot harder to actually play than you would think. I had to sit there with the list of about 30 things to look for while watching the episode, tanked. So it was a chore to have to remember all the things and be able to call them out and know how many drinks they were worth. We kept having to pause the DVR - "Wait! Stop! Jesse called Slater a sexist pig! That's 4 drinks! 2 for calling him sexist and 2 for calling him pig!" But it was still good fun. And the "Bitch" wine that Jessica purchased was pretty tasty. And made for some great jokes.

All day yesterday we painted the master bathroom in our little townhome of bliss. (insert gagging noise here) It's Benjamin Moore "Sienna Clay" - which looks terra cotta-ish to me and burnt orange to Stu. I was going to put the swatch from the Benjamin Moore Website up to show you, but it looks nothing like that color they have on their website so nevermind! Connie (mom in-law) made me a cute shower curtain to go with the new wall color so I will post pics when Trading Spaces wraps up and everything is finished.

Lu-sing Weight
It wasn't as bad as I expected. I gained a little but drinking all night and eating your weight in chips and queso tends to have that result. Especially when you weigh what I do (ba doomp shh)! But I'm back in the saddle again so here we go. I'm shooting for another 3 lbs. this week. ;)

Hey, hey, hey! What is going on here?!

Happy Friday, everyone! I'm pumped about this weekend's festivities. Nikki's in town from her new home, Michigan, and we have lots of fun girly activities planned. For starters, Mexican at Laredeo's - her old stomping ground. We'll indulge in edible queso bowls and cervezas. I'm sure Nikki will push for the weirdest dessert ever, the good ole melted hershey's bar wrapped in some type of tortilla and drizzled in whip cream and other mexican shenanigans. She loves it, but I think a restaurant should be able to come up with something that I can't make at home for 33 cents.

Next on out list of to-do's is try a new game out: Saved By the Bell the Drinking Game! Nikki found this online about a month ago and I swore we'd play it whenever she came back in town. Basically, you drink anytime certain events occur during the episode like whenever Zack stops time or whenever Screech gets pushed inside a locker. There is a one, two, three, four and five drink category. Also, the final category is "Finish the Glass" and it only has one event: Whenever Screech dresses as a woman. So I hope Jessica steered clear of those episodes when she was DVR-ing these reruns! For the complete game click here.

Then Saturday will be filled with various wedding related activities including picking out flowers and bridesmaids dresses and also checking out the reception venue. Lots of girly crap all around! :) I'm partial to this item shown to the left. I love that it practically glows in the dark. Very flattering to the figure as well. Nikki, take note.

Lu-sing Weight
This weekend will be hard to maintain my weight loss with the mexican and the beers and drinking games but we'll see. Jessica plans on skipping on the chips tonight so she can have more beers! She may be on to something ;)

Official Weight Loss **update**

What the crap?! The doctor's scale is a lb. off from mine! So according to his scales, I've lost 11.6 lbs. in 3 weeks :) Not bad.

Also, I took my before and after pics last night. Yeah, I lost 30 lbs. in 30 seconds...


photos courtesy of Meredith Lowe Photography ;)

If you're just checkin out the blog, the rest of today's post is below....

I can't come in to work today, I'm fat...

I'm sorry, what?

Good Morning America reported this morning that obesity might be "contagious"! In other words, people whose spouses are obese have a 30% chance of being obese themselves and people with adult children who are obese have even higher chances. That's kind of strange to wrap your brain around. They also found that this translates to friends. So what I want to know is, which one of you is making me fat?! Because apparently, it's not my fault, its yours!

Continuing with the fatty theme, the winner from that hotdog eating contest was Michael from marketing with 15 hot dogs in 12 minutes. He's no Kobayashi, but it was still gross to watch.

Ever wonder where those trite sayings that everyone uses and misuses come from? Like where did the term "Posh" come from? Or how unfortunate situations became known as "catch-22's"? I found this neat website that has pretty much every phrase you've ever heard of, what it means and how it came into today's vernacular (yeah, I went to college). The Phrase Finder It's a UK website, but they sound pretty proper over there, so I'm sure they know what they are talking about! Enjoy

Last on my current events list, is the Kitty Grim Reaper from the Steere House Nursing and Rehabilitation Center in Providence, Rhode Island. Apparently this nursing home resident can predict when patients are going to die by going into their rooms and curling up next to them! No joke. In 25 cases, he has done this and usually within 4 hours or so, the patients pass away. You can read more about it on msnbc.com

Lu-sing Weight
Today's the big day!! Weigh-in at 10:30am. Not like it's going to be a big shock, I do own a scale myself. But I feel like it's more official at the doctor's office! I'll post the results this afternoon. Wish me luck! I have a feeling that it will only be 5 lbs. down from last time but we will see.

PS - Please excuse the layout changes every 5 minutes. I'm tweaking it. ;)

From Lindsey to Lindsay, With Love

Girrrlll, you gon git yo' jail on! I guess that lovely anklet she has been sporting lately wasn't stylish OR functional! And now its back to rehab. Doctors say that relapse is part of recovery..so 3 times in rehab means she's just about there, right? Maybe we should ask Daniel Baldwin, who has been to rehab 9 times, to see what he thinks about that. For the full story you can go to People.com for more.

I watched Sofia Coppola's Marie Antoinette last night and it was the most boring yet interesting movie I've ever seen. Boring because nothing really happened until 2 hours in and then when the French Revolutionaries storm their palace and things start getting good, the movie's over! Interesting because before watching this, I really didn't know much about her and she was a pretty intriguing lady. I give it 2 out of 4 Slim Fasts*.

Lu-sing Weight
They are having a hot dog eating contest today at my office and I definitely will not be participating! Even though everyone's been asking and encouraging me to join in, I'm trying to shrink my stomach, not balloon it up! Plus, I go back to the doctor tomorrow and I'm treating it like a Weight Watchers weigh-in and I'm trying to lose as much weight as possible before I go in.



*See my post from 7/16 for further info on my movie rating system

Hey There Delilah

Ohhhhhh what you do to meeeeee???? Too bad that band is terrible. But I do like that song so whatcha gonna do? My husband will probably file papers for posting that I like it. But it's catchy!

Ok so I know Rock of Love airs on Sundays and I should update you guys on Monday mornings, but I reserve Mondays for weekend updates so deal. Anyhoodles, this week on Rock of Love, the girls are split up into the Bad Girls (the girls that start drinking at 8:00 am in the morning and love to dress like strippers) and the Bitchy Girls (the girls that aren't quite as trashy and think they are better than the other girls, but also like to dress like strippers). There was a little drama when one of the bad girls tries to tell Bret that another girl is engaged (when she isn't)and the redneck caddiness ensues! I mean a cast that consists of Poison fans? It's reality GOLD!

I saw on Good Morning America that Drew Carrey is the new host of America's longest running game show. Talk about filling some big shoes. I have a feeling people are going to hate him simply because he isn't Bob Barker. But, I think he's the better choice. I can't really imagine a Mario Lopez-intructed game of Plinko. Or Rosie giving advice on Hole In One. Plus, she'd probably hit on the Barker's Beauties. Which also brings up an interesting question....What will they be called now? Drew's Dolls? Carrey's Coochies?

We went to trivia last night and didn't place this time :( But I did learn some interesting information. Like before there were pee-on-a-stick pregancy tests, people used to inject rabbits with the urine of a woman to see if it died. If it did, that meant she was preggers! Poor bunnies... If you're really bored, you can go even further back to see what people did to test for this back in the days of Cleopatra here.

Lu-sing Weight
Not much to report here. The scale is moving down, but nothing significant yet. I'm trying to get down to where I've lost 12 lbs. by the time I see the doctor on Thursday. That would be 12 lbs. in 3 weeks. Pretty good if you ask me!

Toilets and Weddings and Showers, Oh My!

Ahh.. my public awaits.

Good morning, everyone. We just completed a rousing game of "Putting for Benjamins" at my company wide Monday morning meeting. Basically, everyone gets a shot at making a whole in one putt and if they get it, they move to the next round until there is one person left and that person gets a hundy (dollars, that is). I love this game, espcecially because I won on my first day with the company. However, I didn't even make it past the first round this morning. (insert The Price is Right loser horns here!)

Not a very exciting weekend for me. I cleaned our master bathroom for about 2 hours because thats how bad it needed it. I have never seen so much gunked up schmutz as I did conglomerated behind my toilet on the floor. Ick.

We went to a viewing of my friends' wedding DVD -- Congrats Tbulls! -- and it was the most inappropriate and also the most hilarious wedding DVD I've ever seen. I must give a shout out to myself and to NikNak. Our "Wedding Update" segment on the disc 2 (disc 2 was where the editors put all the inappropriateness) was the groom's favorite part - and yes he said that :) I guess since I never went to Hollywood or New York to pursue my acting career, I've made it my job to make my friends' wedding DVDs entertaining. I'm the wedding DVD sketch comedienne. And it helps that I was schnockered for the filming as well. You can totally tell by my purple teeth, tongue and lips during the whole performance that I was downing Merlot like it was my job. If I could just get a still of my haggard appearance, especially towards the end of the night, I'm sure you'd get the gist.

Saturday night, we continued the weekend wedding theme and went to a couples shower held for our friends, Jessica and Jake. I boozed it up with the red wine, despite the previous night's evidence that purple doesn't look so hot up in my grill. They had a DJ, which I found interesting for a shower, and the pool where everything was set up was straight out of a rap video. I'm talking 3 water fountains, lights that change color and a golf green complete with a sand trap that was poolside. And they had palm trees all over the place. How to you get palm trees to thrive in Acworth, GA?? It was quite an elaborate backyard.

Lu-sing Weight
The boozing that occurred this weekend didn't help in my battle with the bulge. The bulge definitely won this round, I'm afraid. I haven't gained weight or anything, but I haven't lost anymore either. I go in for my 3 week check up this Thursday so we'll see.

Soap Box Friday

Ok, for all of you parents out there that think it's cute to dress your daughters up as mini-call girls, I implore you - stop! If I see one more 6 year old romping around in a mini skirt and a spaghetti strap tank top, I'm going to puke on her. Seriously, showing off kindergarten leg is not hot. These skirts are dangerously close to their backsides and they are children for Pete's sake! They aren't going to be conscious of what they are bearing to the world when they are playing and sitting and moving about. Ugh! No one wants to see that, trust me! We went to Disney World not too long ago and these little hussies in training were all over that place. Moms, the only people who find that appealing are pedophiles! Hello?! What's cute for 18 year olds who are trying to pick up guys doesn't translate to your pre-schooler! I mean look at this example:



That skirt is too short for her! It's a super cute dress, don't get me wrong. But that skirt... in the words of my mother - "No Ma'am!"

Other perpetrators: tops that say "Juicy", "Luscious" and other suggestive sayings and words. How clueless do you have to be to advertise that your daughter is one sexy catch?! Ick. I think I'm going to be sick....

Lu-sing Weight
I did it. I made it to 10 lbs. in 2 weeks. Pretty good, if I do say so myself. I hope to keep it up. Go Fatty, go Fatty! Skinny B$%^& Lindsey, here I come :)

Big Girl Business Trip

I found out recently that I'm going up to our home office in August for an "Operations Summit". Now for me, this is kind of a big deal because I never travel for my job so when things like this come up, I get all pumped about it and act like a nerd. I'm sure most people hate doing stuff like this but seeing as how I have only traveled for business one other time, I'm all geeked up. Just something about expensing my meals and staying in a nice hotel for free. Plus, our home office is in Minneapolis, which for me, means one thing - MALL OF AMERICA!!! Gotta love those indoor cheap roller coasters!

So it's wedding season and my invites are slowly beginning to trickle in. A wedding shower here, bachelorette party there, not to mention invites to the weddings themselves and the wedding I'm going to be in next March. My refrigerator looks like a local community board covered in flyers for neighborhood activities. The funny thing is that this won't end for decades. Because once everyone is done getting married, babies become the reason to have parties and get presents, and be an attention whore!

Lu-sing Weight
My scale hasn't really been moving like it did last week. I'm not gaining weight or anything, but it's not falling off like it was before. I'm a little disappointed. I guess I'm going to have to really hunker down and exercise more and eat more fruits and veggies. I got so accustomed to eating whatever I wanted, I really veered from my original plan to actually eat healthy!

Raindrops & Roses and Whiskers on Kittens

Oh, what to post? What to post? I guess I could do a My Favorite Things segment for everyone to enjoy. Give you guys the skinny on what I'm currently into.


Stuff on My Cat
This website is hilarious. The link is over to the right in my Lu Links section. It's a website that posts pictures that people submit of their cats either dressed up or with stuff piled all over them. As an interesting side note, my cat Kevin was featured on July 5th with a UGA hat on. It's actually a keychain my mom had given me for Christmas that year. But he was only 6 weeks old then and it fit just perfectly. This website is great when you are bored at work and could use a laugh. For dog lovers, they also have Stuff on My Mutt.


Conair Omega Straightener
This is a must have for me. I have freakishly thick and coarse hair. Sounds hot, right? But with this little devil I can actually make it look appealing. The thing that makes this different than most straighteners is that its plates are curved so I can make my hair flip out or smooth in. I simply couldn't keep my hair as short as it is now without this.

Energy 92.7 fm
Ok this might not appeal to many, but if you really like electronic or dance music, this station kicks ass! I listen to it online at work and it's awesome. I have found many a myspace song on this station ;) It's based out of San Fran but I haven't managed to find anything like it here in Atlanta. It's great to play at work because it keeps you upbeat and I get comments from nearby co-workers to turn it up throughout the day. Give it a whirl....Energy 92.7


Lu-sing Weight
Not much to report here again. I'm down another 1/2 lb so I'm just about at 10 lbs. total. Friday is my 2 week mark and I was hoping to be at 10lbs. by then so it looks like I will reach my goal. We'll see

Crock of Love

Ok so my new favorite show is VH1's Rock of Love. Let me see if I can paint an accurate picture here.... It's 25 of the world's ugliest women (who all think they are beautiful and smart), vying for the affections of one Bret Michaels, former Poison front man. If you want to feel good about yourself, you absolutely must watch this fascinating program. These girls make the Flavor of Love girls look like aristocrats! It's amazing. I simply don't know how they found these whorrific hookers. I think out of 25 of them, 2 girls hadn't had "work done" on their chesticles. I implore you! Check it out on Sundays on VH1. It's like The Bachelor meets Jerry Springer.

While on the subject of TV, I don't know if any of you have had a chance to see McDonald's new Big Mac commercial, but it's a total crock o' poo! It involves a skinny, model type girl devouring a Big Mac. Now I can guarantee you that while filming that sham of a commercial, that chick was puking in a bucket between takes. There's no way you can be skinny and eat Big Macs. I mean come on! Those things have almost 600 calories. I should know. They helped me get to this momish figure I'm currently rockin'. The only thing a girl like that would probably order at McDonalds would be a napkin.

Lu-sing Weight
Still goin' strong over here in the world of tiny portions. We went to a local place called Family Traditions last night for dinner. It's one of those places thats got that downhome southern feel and you reek of greasy food after you leave. I ordered what I usually have and ate less than half of it. It's amazing to me when I look at how much I was eating pre-diet. And by amazing I mean scary. :/

As the french call it, Le Weekend

No really, they do call it that.

Stu and I went on down to good ole Lithia Springs - aka Six Flags' back yard - for Stu's mom's side of the family's summer reunion this weekend. Lots of casseroles and fried chicken were consumed. The colonel would have been proud! I love not having the pressure of learning everyone's name at these functions because Connie's family is so big that Stu doesn't even know who they are! Hey-o!

Other than that, didn't really do much this weekend. Which I really needed because I've been busting it trying to get my mom's house ready to sell and whatnot. It was nice to have a "do nothing" weekend.

We did get a chance to see Harry Peter Eleventeen on Saturday, which in my opinion was one big anti-climactic set up. There was hardly any action and most of it was just introducing new people and setting up for things to come. I give it 2 SlimFasts*. However, in looking for Harry Peter pics to post, I did find this amusing one.


Lu-sing Weight
Of course with the potluck fest, I thought I would struggle but I did pretty well with just eating about 1/3 of what I would usually get and I got 1 dessert instead of the customary threeve (thats 3 to 5) that I usually have. So I lost some Hefty Girl points for goin' lean on the portion sizes but gained some Skinny B$%^& points for going lighter. I'm down another 2 lbs since Thursday, so 8 lbs. total :)


*Yes, I do use the patented Slim Fast rating system, thank you for asking. It's based on a scale of 1 to 4 Slimfasts.

Nice Genes!

Ok, I don't want to sound weird or anything, but I came across this picture of my grandfather when he was younger - circa 1951, so he's about 20 - and he was looking swoll! I mean he was a good lookin' dude, people! Check this out....




He looks like a model or like this is some add for Levi's Jeans from back in the day. Makes me kinda proud :)

I guess my grandmother did well for herself! It so weird to think about your grandparents and what their lives were like before they were grandparents or even parents. Papa played baseball for the Atlanta Crackers and was in the Armed Forces for a brief stint. Which branch, I'm not sure. But I've come across several photos of him in uniform. I guess I could ask so maybe I'll have that update for you later.

Let's just hope I have some of those genes and can pass them on to my kids.

Lu-sing Weight
Speaking of jeans, I can tell the slightest of difference in mine. The FUPA* has deflated the tiniest bit. I'm looking forward to being able to go down a jeans size and get outta buying my clothing from Lane Bryant - aka Go Big Girl Whatchu Gon Do?

*FUPA is an acronym for a not so nice phrase describing the fat pooch between your hoo ha and your belly button. It comes standard on most 3rd grade teachers.

"I'm kind of a big deal around here"

First off, may I just say $%^& to the IT department at my company?! Everyday that I sign onto my computer, it's a crap shoot to see if I have access to the internet or not! Google roulette is my new favorite morning game to play. Do I have it? Yes? No?(sigh)

I'm not sure if peeps will even find this interesting or not, but at least NikNak will check it ;) Even if it is just to sniff out her competition. Smells like a winner!

This is hard to post about myself! I have been blogging about my mom (see my mom under Lu Links) for so long that I feel selfish or something for posting about l'il old me. It's odd. I almost feel like, who wants to know what I'm up to? But apparently, you do!

I'm on a new diet thats called "eat less food, fatty". It's a brand new modern day break through in nutrition and dieting. So far I'm down six pounds so it appears to be working. I think it would be nice to look my age instead of like I've had fifty-leven kids. I'm also a tried and true diet veteran and have pretty much been on them all so if this doesn't work, I'm going to have to suck it up and start going to Omar the tent maker for his latest fashions!