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Lu's Summer TV Guide...with benefits

I have actually been impressed with this summer's TV offerings. Anyone else?! I can actually say I have some show to look forward to Monday - Thursday. Now the weekends, that's another story. But I have been entertained with this summer's line up so far.

Monday
ABC's THE MOLE.... Yes, I know this shows old as dirt and yes I know NO ONE really watches it but me, but I gotta tell ya that there's something freaking mind-bending about watching a show and knowing you're being lied to by someone the whole time and trying to sniff the bastard out before the finale. So far, I am terrible at finding the Mole because there are only 5 people left and I have no freaking clue. Alas, I will watch on for further research. My guess: Craig the unassuming fat guy.

MTV's LEGALLY BLONDE: THE SEARCH FOR THE NEXT ELLE WOODS.... So first I thought this was going to be your typical bitch-fest filled with caddy ladies making total @$$es of themselves, but it was actually quite good (with the exception of the talentless Duff sister, not Hillary - the less famous one from Napoleon Dynamite - as the host). Tonight is the season finale so I'll be all about that tonight. They have let alot of talented people go and there's this one girl who is still in and whenever she sings, it sounds like someone's squeezing a puppy to death. So if she makes it on Broadway, I'm packing my bags and hopping the first plane to NYC because it's apparently easy to make it if you suck at something that's a solid 50% of your job performance!

Tuesday
If you haven't watched Wipeout, please - PLEASE - watch it. If only for the big balls montage. Yeah you heard me.

Wednesdays
My new favorite reality competition: So You Think You Can Dance. I know this is in its umteenth season, but I'm a little slow, ok? What I like about this show is while the fans can vote and have a say in who is in the bottom 3, it is the judges who decide their fate. Well, at least up until last week. Now we've put it in the hands of people who actually vote on these shows. I mean, we're all fans here, but come on... do you really pick up the phone and vote? My favorite picks: Twitch and Chelsie. If you've seen the show, you know what I'm talkin' about.

Thursdays
My other new favorite: America's Best Dance Crew. Again, if you can get over the host, this shows got potential. Sure, there are no Jabbawockeez on this one, but still entertaining enough to keep me quiet for an hour (40 minutes if I'm watching the DVR'd playback). Plus, the judges are Shane Sparks, L'il Mama and JC from NSYNC and they're always entertaining.

So there. If you've been whining about having nothing to watch all summer, I've just given you 4 shows that aren't doing too bad a job of keeping me happy. And if you can only pick one, I must insist you watch Wipeout. I'm cereal about it!

I'm a Disney Kinda Gal

If you haven't seen WALL-E yet, then let me ruin the ending by saying Mel Gibson's character gets drunk and calls WALL-E "Sweet Bits". I joke, I kid! Mel's not even in this pic. I'm pretty sure his Disney voice-over career peaked at Captain John Smith from Poke-My-Hontas. Now that I've let my entire point derail, let's bring this full circle and start allover again.

WALL-E is genius! Especially when you take the time to notice the little details they have in practically every scene. And there is something so endearing about the little guy. He's so cute - you wanna squeeze him! Which is kind of a big deal for Pixar to pull that off seeing as how he is not made from squeezy materials.

I've begun to notice that my time committed to Facebook each day is becoming...how do you say.....excessive. Anytime I creep past the 45 minute mark on that site I seriously start to reconsider how my time is spent. It seems like I am more social on the internet THAN IN MY LIFE! I keep in touch with old school friends, email my dad with my latest post-op status, and buy my entire summer wardrobe without so much as reaching for phone or my car keys. Kinda makes me wonder if I'd be 50 lbs lighter if there was no internet. Don't worry. I'm not going to do anything rash like delete my Facebook account or (gasp) cancel my Amazon Prime subscription (PS - If you buy stuff from Amazon alot, you should really consider this new fangled deal they call Prime - FREE 2 DAY SHIPPING on most of the things you were going to by anyway).

GIVE MY REGARDS TO BROADWAY!
Lastly, I've been throwing around the idea of resurrecting my Theatre career by auditioning for some shows that are being produced by the Towne Lake Arts Center. I actually played the role of the chick featured in the pic to my left - Princess Winnifred from Broadway's Once Upon A Mattress. And before you give me your wittiest oneliner in reference to that title, let me stop you by saying if I haven't already heard it, I probably thought it myself! I've been watching MTV's the Search for the Next Elle Woods (from Broadway's Legally Blonde, of course) and it's been making me miss the stage and performing. Then I decided to do a YouTube search of scenes from the musicals I've been in. I'd forgotten how much fun it was. So anyways, auditions are a couple of weeks away so I don't know if I'm ready for those yet, but they have several shows coming up so maybe one on down the road if not the next one. We'll see....

Oh yeah! I almost forgot. My new favorite jam: Untouched by The Veronicas. It's sick. I heard it on So You Think You Can Dance a couple of weeks ago and I've been hooked ever since. Check it out.

That's Some Acute Appendicitis You've Got There!

Greetings from the land of forfeited internal organs! As you may or may not have heard, I, Lindsey Kirk, parted ways with my appendix last Tuesday. In all honesty, he was being a total bitch and I really couldn't take it anymore!

What started with semi-intense pains on Monday lead to all-out "I'm-Going-To-Pull-My-Hair-Out-If-I-Don't-Get-Some-Relief" pains on Tuesday. Throw in a CT scan for confirmation, a little trip to Northside Hospital, and you've got yourself one great episode of Full House! And as a side note, Dilaudid is the greatest narcotic to happen to modern medicine since heroin morphine. I mean, seriously, it was just the best thing ever. When I first got to the hospital, they shot me up with morphine and I could hardly even tell a difference in the pain. Then they tried Dilaudid and all I remember is looking over to Stu and saying in a la-la voice, "I feel heavy".

For your edification, I decided to throw out this pic just to keep it real and let you know what exactly the appendix is and does. In researching, I found that there's no clear-cut answer in what the heck the appendix does, but it either helps us digest cellulose in plants, or is part of our immune system, producing white blood cells to fight infection. Either way, it's not necessary so beat it, Mr. Appendix! I was going to put up some graphic pictures of bloated, gross, appendices, but decided to spare you so thank your lucky stars for that!

I'm off to down a Lortab. Peace out!

I Now Pronounce You Mrs. & Mr. Asek

Can I get an Amen from the choir? I just finished up my 3 year wedding tour with my last stop, Mrasektownville this past weekend and boy are my arms tired?! That's right... I have constantly been in someone's wedding since December 2005. And just before that was my wedding September of '05. So not counting that brief reprieve from September to December that year, you could technically say I've been schmoozing the wedding circuit since 2004. I don't even want to think about the chump change that's gone into supporting my friends in their romantic endeavors. Let's just round down....

Nikki's wedding was bootylicious. We had a smashingly Spanish topless tapas rehearsal dinner where I managed to have 6+ Sangrias with dinner and just one afterwards. Of course, the one afterwards was what I like to call a "larger portion". It started out innocently enough...I was just joking around. But it's so good when it touches your lips.... I kept going. And then Mike (chief executive officer of the peanut gallery) just had to add the slightest hint of peer pressure. And the next thing you know, there's nothing but ice and I'm reaching for an abandoned 2nd pitcher that was probably consumed by people I've never even spoken to. Before you say "gross" and "eewww" and all those other descriptive mini-judgements, please realize that the beauty of drinking straight out of the pitcher is that you're the only one doing it and everyone else has simply poured themselves a regular portion rather than help themselves to the whole thing. So there is no exchanging of oral fluids - or any fluids other than Sangria and my belly juices. mmmmmmmmmm

After the rehearsal dinner, we went back to the hotel for more boozing because let's be honest here..... What's one more drink after you've had a pitcher and some change?! Jessica proceeded to fall asleep pass out first and she quickly became the victim of giggly chicks who have had too much too drink. I think we took 35 pictures total during her coma photo shoot. Here are the highlights...







We love you Pickles! It's all in good fun :)

After a slight setback with my tranny makeup was self-corrected, things went swimmingly. There were scattered showers throughout the pre-, during-, and post-show activities. But since there really wasn't a large outside influence as far as venue and location, it didn't really matter. The only time it came into play was towards the end of the evening when the getaway car arrived -- The Wramblin' Wreck from Freaking Tech. Yes, minions. Nikki's a traitor and decided to surprise her new Ball'n'Chain with a convertible ride through the streets of A-Town Down. And God was smiling as he released the heavens and allowed them to be peed on from above as they glided down Peachtree to the sounds of the drunken wedding crowd serenading them with the ever-appropriate, "WHATS THAT COMIN' DOWN THE TRACK?!!!" It was a beautiful sight.

I can't wait for her pro pics. I hope to gain access to them shortly so you all can see.

I would like to give a shoutout to my #1 fans - Mike & Alissa. Mainly because I want free Disney tickets at some point. You guys are beautiful. I hope to be your surrogate friend someday.

More pics from the wedding posted below. Enjoy! And I promise to make a consorted effort to post more than once a fiscal quarter from now on. Something about my new best friends down in Florida jumping for joy at their desks when they check my blog really gets me motivated. I'm sooooo popular. On the internet.















Full album posted on facebook! "Tag it!"

2 Legit to Quit

Hello, minions. I need to get my groove back and get this little blog that could up and running again. I don't know, I was thinking about maybe posting a crazy amount of posts like.....1 A WEEK! You heard it here first.

Toot Toot! Beep! Beep!
Oh! If you want something from me that's a little more boring and probably more widely read then please check out my featured article on ProducersWeb. It's a long drawn out way for my company to brand itself on one of our industry's leading websites. Notice the subtle mention of my company under my name. Anyhoo, it may very well drum up some more business for me at work so I'll say yes to the bigger paycheck.

DVR'd DIVAS
Can I get a "You go, Grill" for Cashmere Mafia? And before you breakout your Speak N Spells, I did get that right. Anyways, much like Chicago, it's the jazz. At first, I thought it would be a 2nd rate Sex and the City, but it's actually nothing like it and doesn't try to be. Except I really don't like one of the characters. She's - how do I say this - pointless. She doesn't bring anything to the show but sexual confusion and bad makeup. I wouldn't mind if she took a short walk off of a long pier (thanks for the joke, Dad! I knew I'd use it someday!). Plus, it stars Eowyn from Lord of the Rings - I think the one with the Ents in it and crap. Eowyn was the chick that was feelin' some Viggo Mortensen while he tried to save her village from the bad guys yadda yadda yadda. Anyways, its the new project of Sex and the City's mastermind Darren Star, so I guess thats why I like it so much. Check, please!

Lindsey Jr.
So now that I've managed to lose some weight, I've decided that I'd like to gain back the 35 and then some this year! That's right, stalkers! Me and the Hubbs are talking procreation. Mmmm. Nothing sounds ickier than the word "procreation" does it? It's awful redneck for a word with over 3 syllables. We think we're ready for that leg of the married tour so it's been confirmed we'll give it a go this year. Let's just hope those short bus jokes don't come back to bite me in the birth canal!

Janey Stainy Stain Pants

Ok I dont have too much to say, but I HAVE to post this video of my favorite commercial. It's the Talking Stain one from Tide to Go. I've never laughed so hard at a commercial...




I think the part that gets me is the gibberish/french the stain is speaking and also the part where he gets super loud at the end. SO good. Kudos to Tide.

Oh yeah - I almost forgot. AIRBORNE is the jam. I highly recommend it. This past Friday I left work early to go to the hospital and take care of my flu-ridden brother who had a temperature of 104! I was so scared I was going to catch it and of course the next day I started experiencing the standard scratchy throat you're-going-to-be-REAL-sick-when-you-wake-up feeling. So I got some Airborne and kept downing fluids like crazy and I was able to fight it off. I do have alittle bit of a soar throat but at least my brain wasn't baking at 100+ degrees!

So those are my plugs: Tide and Airborne. Seacrest out.

Ummmm, Anybody???

Ok so I don't post that much anymore. And I've pretty much acquired some facial wrinkles since I last wrote! Well I've been a little busy people! Sales is HARD. I have to make outbound dials, get inbound dials, get applications in the door....

It's not easy money!!! And the last thing I want to do when I get home is get back on the computer some more.

But, I feel it's my civic duty to tell you guys what is up with me.

I've dropped 32 lbs so far in my quest for weight loss....so that's good. I now officially weigh less than what I weighed when I got married. Which ain't sayin' much, if you know what I mean! (I mean I'm fat).

Me and Stu are tossing around the idea of making some babies. L'il Lindseys and Stus might be running around here before you know it. Oh boy. I'm hope my mother's standard curse of "I hope you have one just like you" doesn't rear it's ugly head because between you and me -- I was annoying as a kid! If my kids are annoying
I'm probably going to have to consider exchanging them for new ones or something. I dont' think I have my mother's divine patience. So I will keep you posted on that.

The new job is going well. I guess it's not new anymore, now that I've been doing it for 5 months now. I went ahead and hot my Life Insurance License and can now sell Life, Annuities and Long Term Care Insurance in the great big state of Gee-Gow (thats Georgia in redneck speak). I started a website, www.northgaltc.com, which is catered to people that are in the market for long term care insurance. Check it out. I'm still working out the kinks so we shall see.

I guess that's about it. If anyone even still checks this thing!